Losing your identity after becoming a mother

I loved becoming a new mother. I was all consumed by the newborn, the new skills, the new mum friends asking advice and keeping each other sane during the sleep deprived days. 

Life literally revolved around motherhood 24/7 for months – no – years. 

But as the novelty of the role of new mother wore off, I was gearing up to carry on the role of mother and have more babies but that has led to experiencing 3 devastating miscarriages in the past year. So after staying in Sri Lanka due to COVID, taking time to grieve and settling into a new life here, I find myself with nagging questions at the back of my head asking who am I? What am I going to do with my life? Look at all these people I know who have amazing careers as well as being wonderful mums. 

Now that my baby is no longer a baby, there’s a kind of identity crisis. I gave up my job to become a full time mum. Should I go back to working as a women’s coach (my dream)? …in these strange social distancing times… in a new country where I am immersing myself in a different culture. 

Caring for my little one was the easy part …now caring for myself is the difficult part!

I figure that there must be many mums out there who go through an identity crisis because we have forgotten how to prioritise ourselves and live our dreams and aspirations. I did a quick Google search on mums losing identity and found plenty of suggestions on self-care and finding new hobbies but it all sounds like distractions from the real question underlying it all.

Who am I? 

I am not just a role I played at a company working to build someone else’s dream; I am more than just someone who can keep a house clean and cook meals. I am someone who loves to feel the exhilaration of waterskiing or learning to surf. I am someone who wants my little boy to be a happy and free soul. I am someone who wants to work with women to help them feel more connected with themselves and their strength in both body and mind.

So whoever I am. Coach. Mother. Wife. Daughter. Friend. 
In the end, identity is just another label which limits the perception of ourselves or any other person as a whole being.

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